"ma-ma"

What's in a name?  When that name is "mother" or "mommy" or "ma ma" or a specific smile that is only meant for me... a lot of feelings and emotions become tied to that name.  Up until July 2010, the word "mother" to me represented someone who I loved, admired, looked up to, fought with (on occasion! ha), learned from, leaned on, copycat-ed, laughed with, talked to, and who I was best friends with.  After July 2010, I had no idea (with an intense emphasis on "no idea") just how incredibly precious and sweet two little syllables would sound to my heart when my little boy called me "ma ma".  The first time I heard it my heart literally melted.  Melted. I was done for... this little life had changed me in so many unspeakable ways.  Now, the word "mother" means to me... responsibility, unbounding love, overflowing joy, immense blessing, teacher, care giver, hugger, kisser, snuggler, protector, fan, truly unconditional adoration, devotion, weakness, exhaustion, infatuation, pure delight, thanksgiving, prayer, cherish and blessed.  That might not make sense... but those are the words that fill my heart when thinking about my role in sweet Benjamin's life.  I have a huge responsibility to love, protect, teach and be there for my sweet boy.  It truly is the most wonderful responsibility on earth. Words cannot express the love I have in my heart for Ben - - - it is greater than I can explain.  When Matt and I were getting married, one of my Dad's friends, Tom, asked me to describe Matt in 3 words... (if you have heard this story before, feel free to skip a few lines!).  One of the words I picked was "unconditional"... I felt, at that time, that Matt's love for me was unconditional.  Tom said, "I am sure that he loves you a lot... but you have no idea what "unconditional" love is until you have a child."  While I still do feel that I could probably do anything in the world and Matt would love me all the same :) (such a lucky girl, I am!).... I totally, 100% get what Tom was getting at.  I am not sure how much I would love Matt if he woke me up 3x a night crying because he was hungry or had a dirty diaper... haha.  Just kidding, I would do anything in the world for him.  HOWEVER, having a child really does teach you what unconditional love means - and in such a pure fashion - and for that lesson, I will always be so indebted to little Ben.  God has finally shown me, through this baby miracle, what it means to be unselfish and to put others before yourself.

Mother's Day this had a whole new meaning to me.  I am so grateful to be able to celebrate with Ben and with Matt a day about family and love.  Ben's mother day present to me (besides the massage and facial! haha) was to take his first few steps!  Witnessing that was a life fufilling moment.  He was so scared and so unsure... but so determined.  He only took about two or three... but it TOTALLY made my day :)  That and the good morning kiss he gave me to start my day off right -- how blessed can one be?  

Little Benjamin, I love you to the moon and back.... thank you for making my first mother's day incredibly full of love!  You are the best little boy a mama could ask for :)

xoxo